Coaching Would Be So Much Fun If It Weren’t For…

Some days you just wish it would rain. Hard. Like, with lightning and thunder. So you could just cancel practice, or the game. Or both. Or the whole dang season! Some days you can’t remember why you signed up for this. If you’ve ever had one of those days, or if you never want to have one, read on.

Every coach hits a burnout point. Even when things are great, sometimes we just need a break. But if things are a mess, that point comes way too fast. I’d like to help you avoid common mistakes that turn a really fun experience into a painful one.

The Parent Trap

Soccer Ball ParentsWhen the season gets going, address issues head-on as soon as they come up. If a parent lobbies to give their kid an edge, be direct and let them know you aren’t going to hear it. If a parent violates the team’s code of conduct, confront him or her and enlist other parents to help you encourage the problem parent to get in line.

Stay positive! Praise parents often when they exhibit the right behaviors. Encourage them to be the “best sideline in the league.” Give them meaningful tasks that make them feel part of the team. Recruit them as allies and they won’t be detractors.

Overcoming Frustration

“This job would be great if it weren’t for the customers.” When I worked in the service industry, we used that line as both a joke and an honest lament. Sadly, sometimes it feels that way with the young athletes you’re coaching! Don’t let the very people you are trying to serve become a source of frustration. Here are a few tips to keep that from happening:

  1. Set high standards for behavior and stick to them.
  2. Communicate one on one when possible during practice.
  3. Identify and recruit “player coaches” to help keep order.

You have a great deal of influence over your players. Challenge them to behave in a way that helps everyone get the most out of the experience. Without interrupting practice, find times to check in on players. Make eye contact and ask open ended questions. Listen. As you observe team dynamics, identify the natural leaders. Empower them specifically to enforce your team code of conduct.

Zebra Management

In many youth leagues, the officials have the least amount of training and experience of any officiating level. Unfortunately, that becomes obvious all to often. How do you keep that from ruining things?

The best technique here is to prepare for and expect mistakes to be made by the officials. Remind your players and parents that the officials are human and will make mistakes. Do not let anyone other than you speak to the Officials. Stop any criticism immediately. It will not help, and in fact does a lot of damage. When the kids hear adults complaining about authority, it undermines their sense of safety and well-being. If the grownups openly bash the officials, you can be sure the kids will follow suit. That’s a recipe for disaster. People don’t make fewer mistakes under duress. Quite the opposite. I assure you, the vast majority of officials want to get all the calls right, and no official in the history of sport has ever officiated a perfect game.

Parents SidelineWhen a call doesn’t go your way, encourage your players to overcome adversity. If you have a concern about safety, calmly and respectfully ask to speak to the lead official and let him or her know about your concern. You are not going to get a call reversed, so arguing with the officials serves no purpose other than to irritate them. Don’t distract the person who is tasked with keeping the contest safe. Every sport is facing a shortage of officials; disrespecting them discourages everyone from joining their ranks. Unless we all start treating them better, the opportunities for kids to play sports will decrease. That consequence is certainly not worth you venting! Don’t complain about it—coach through it.

You are doing something amazing. When you feel burned out, remind yourself that this is supposed to be fun and let go of the little things. Focus on the impact you’re having on the players and their families. Take a deep breath and relax. You got this!

Bill Stark is a former coach, current official and founder of Coach Assist, an organization dedicated to helping coaches be the best they can be. He enjoys inspiring coaches to greatness while equipping them to do the same for others. A husband and father of four amazing kids, he somehow always finds time to talk to coaches about their hopes, dreams and needs. Engage with him on Twitter @YourCoachAssist, at or via email at [email protected].

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